Tips for Being More Effective

Here are some strategies that I practiced over and over again for years and they helped improve my effectiveness with my clients, and reduced stress levels because I felt more empowered with tools that would bring me solutions for times when I was demonstrating poor communication, for example. I encourage people to practice one thing repeatedly for 3 months (read blog posts, read opposing viewpoints from critics, follow social media accounts, read books, listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, etc.) and then move on to another thing after a few months go by. Remember, it is with small increments that BIG changes are made, so try to make as many small, healthy choices as possible throughout your day. The BIG changes don’t happen unless we go through those small, incremental steps.

Emotional Intelligence (or Emotional Quotient)

1. Behavioral Self-Control – My coach Mark Rowland, says we have can choose our state of mind using 4 superpowers; 2 internal and 2 external. Our 2 internal our are thoughts and emotions and our 2 external are our words and actions. Anytime you say “I can’t help it” that’s you lying to yourself. Unless you have a behavioral disorder… or unless you are one of those people on the far end of the spectrum, then most of the general population can choose to be in complete control of their emotions, thoughts, words, and actions at all times, so choose your state of mind wisely.
2. Integrity – Integrity is what we do when no one else is watching and I try to remember this in those small, incremental moments when I don’t want to do “the thing.” Whatever “the thing” happens to be in the moment. Commit to doing the right thing, even when no one is watching
3. Intentionality – What is your intention for managing yourself? With discipline? With love and compassion? With forgiveness? If you find yourself operating with the intent to manipulate a situation, or gain recognition to feed your ego, then it is time to step back and think about your intentionality. If you want to be someone who is recognized as compassionate, then it begins with your internal self-talk. You can’t change the internal self-talk, until you identify exactly what is going on in your mind. So bring awareness to your internal dialogue and ask what the intention of the voice is saying to you. Sometimes meditation helps. Remember, however you treat yourself is how you will treat others. Be intentional with your words.
4. I follow this person, @adhdreading, who is a health professional on TikTok and they have tons of tricks.

Boundaries

1. Remember that “No.” is a complete sentence, and a damn strong one, too. Watch my keynote address in Thessaloniki, Greece during VoxxedDays to learn ways to say “No.”
2. We don’t “owe” our time to someone who cannot interact with us well (ie. disrespecting boundaries, or whatever. Don’t take it personally.).
3. Declaring “I’m an empath” is really just a declaration that the person hasn’t been able (for whatever reason) to learn how to create emotional boundaries yet. That’s ok. The skill can be learned by separating dependence on the emotions and psychic energy of others. It’s one thing to be connected, but it’s entirely different to connect to ALL beings around us with our senses dialed up to 11 in anticipation of their next move. This tip is to remind those who might feel overemotional sometimes that you don’t need to people-please or read minds or anticipate what someone will want next. Heightened sensitivity leads to nervous system overload. This may result in a panic attack or a response of empathetic fatigue, where we experience fatigue from being overstimulated by the energies of others so much that we lack empathy.
4. Karl Friston is probably the world’s smartest neuroscientist. Watch this video for a deeper understanding of boundaries.

Workflow

1. Fatigue from empathy – Fatigue from strange work-from-home conditions. Quarantine memory lapses. Let’s face it, it’s hard to have a “normal” workflow these days. So it’s important to manage expectations about what realistically can be accomplished based on the effects of a global pandemic. Incorporate more breaks, more downtime, and add in additional time for extra communications.
2. Memories are fickle – Our brains lie. Especially when lacking working memory (acute or permanent), or if the brain is neuroatypical. I have a trauma-informed brain, yet understanding how it works has helped me improve my learning style and memory recall. Research “memory subsystems” and the influencing factors. Trust me, it’s a rabbit hole that is totally worth exploring.
3. Unleash your creativity – Innovation and creativity are influential factors in assessing emotional intelligence. I teach a workshop on Unleashing Your Creativity, which helps you identify blocks, your best creative environment, and make your own personal process for being creative, even when you don’t feel like it. Here’s what the science says: you can strengthen your creative muscles, so to speak, by putting yourself in creative situations regularly.  Dr Rex Jung, a neuropsychologist at the University of New Mexico, found that people who consistently engage in creative activities become better and faster at activating their brains’ creative networks. His research says that creativity can be cultivated with practice. Essentially, the more creative problem-solving you use, the more physical creative expression you have, the more you create inspiring new ways to show up and do your work every day, the more you strengthen your creative muscles. In other words, the more creative you are, the more creative you will be. You can strengthen the neurological pathways in your nervous system. That goes both ways. You can stifle your creativity by not using it.

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